To Know Me as a Mother
So there we were, sitting in a beautiful winery with a group of friends celebrating 20 years of friendship. During our conversation, one of the girls said:
“I want you to know me as a Mother. And for me to know you as Mothers”.
This has been on my mind since then. Do I write her a letter about this? Do I send out my letter to the group in hopes that others will want to share?
I realized that this was a more of a personal piece for me and then I could decide what to do with it. However, I also realized my friend of 20 years, was actually saying: Yes, you know me as a friend. That’s great. But I want you to know me as a Mother. She has 3 children and was the first in our group to have little humans. In many ways, she paved the way. Sort of like our Mother Hen 😉
So today I dedicate my post to her. She is a force. She is a leader. She knows where she is going. And she has a strength about her that is so damn beautiful and powerful. She’s been challenged and has been rebuilt because of it. But at the end of it all, she is one of the most honest, welcoming and fierce human beings I know.
To Know Me as a Mother
What does this mean? Am I separate from what you already know? Or am I the same?
The truth is that – I have be reborn.
When my son was born, so was I. Just in a slightly different way. I could still move physically, although some days not so sure about that. I could still speak. I could shower. I could do those everyday things independently.
But the thing that I didn’t know how to do, was to logically understand that I was now a Mamma. A Mamma to a human that came from my body.
Logic had no place here though. This was all about feeling. All about this transition into this collective of women who had been transformed into Mothers. All about aligning my vibration with the magical vibration of my son’s.
So, to know me as a Mother, meant, that I needed to quiet the outside noise in order to allow my intuition to be freed. To tune into the blessing of having a child.
To know me as a Mother meant I gave up most social experiences outside of my home, to become in constant meditation as I watched my son explore his new world. Focused. In awe. In pure love.
To know me as a Mother meant, I didn’t know who I was around others. I questioned my sentences, how I looked, how I was viewed as a woman, my relationship with my husband, my relationship with my body and with my being. And that’s where I lived – mentally but then physically froze me.
To know me as a Mother, means I needed support and guidance from trusted sources. I needed space to feel. I needed to know I was ok. So, since my son was 10 months until now (he will be 4 April 12th), I have been in therapy, chiropractic care, physiotherapy, osteopathy, participated in a weight loss and health program, naturopathic care, had a life/business coach, cleaned up my eating patterns, and gone on a life changing healing retreat.
To know me as a Mother means, I needed to realize that I am a source of light and that I am the answer to my son.
It means I found my ‘why’. It means I have tuned into my intuition in a powerful way. It means I have learned to be open to other Mothers and choose to learn from them – not judge them.
To know me as a Mother meant that I nursed up to 26 months. Happily. Which came with being needed A LOT. Which then came with being ready to say good bye to it and replace it with more cuddles. (Hence my name Cover & Cuddle 😉 ).
To know me as a Mother meant I had to learn to stand up for my attachment style of parenting – which was natural and eye opening.
To know me as a Mother meant, I am the only one who will advocate for my son without reservation. It means he sees me as his leader – hierarchy of care is vital for growth. It means I must choose to go inwards to heal, understand my triggers and realize that I am worthy of so much. It means that going inwards towards healing, is the HARDEST thing I have ever done. BUT, so damn rewarding that I choose to stay on this journey.
To know me as a Mother, means I am in a constant state of growth. I am always seeking ways to be better. But it also means I am learning to allow time and space for everything to integrate.
To know me as a Mother, means I get to redefine my world – daily if I choose. It means I can decide what kind of schooling is best for my son – forest school, public school, private school, home school – so that he knows he can define his world to. (And that others do not define it for him).
To know me as a Mother means that I am finally on a path of true self love, learning to practice soul care. It means I do it for my evolution, how I show up FOR the world, and for a deeper connection to my spirit. AND to also be a genuine example for my son on what it means to care for ourselves. It means I will always put his emotional needs first. I will never love him more because of grades or outcomes. But will love him unconditionally because of who he is. (NOT what he does).
To know me as a Mother means I cry. I ground. I get lost. I question my moves in life. I doubt. It means I have moments of anger, frustration and sadness, but also moments of confidence, compassion, release and peace. It means I want to eat my yummy snacks and favorite food items without needing to share. It means I look forward to my son resting at night, but then stare at him while he sleeps. (In complete awe of the fact that he was once a little cell floating in my body).
To know me as a Mother means, I am now able to say that I share the title of ‘Mom’ at the same time as my own Mom – who is 74 years strong – so grateful.
And so I will end on this… To know me as a Mother is to know my essence. I am pure love in this role. I am in flow with the vibrations of life in this role. I am constantly evolving. I am experiencing life on a whole new high, that I often am reminded to ground and come back down.
Sending love & light,
Reesh
